Some Are More Equal Than Others

There was an article in last Sunday's Observer about the difference in attitudes to parenting between the UK and France. To summarise grossly, it concluded that French mothers are much stricter, much less “touchy, feely” and have no problem with offering the odd slap on the bottom for misdemeanours and that this produces far better-mannered children. In fact, I felt the experiences of the writer largely reflected the parenting styles of Parisienne, Bourgoise mamans rather then French mothers in general, but that aside, it did give me some food for thought.

I think perhaps there was a point missed in the writing, about the wider aspect of society's attitudes towards child-rearing and education. In Britain, I would say that those of us striving to be good parents/educators have an overall aim of producing an independent, thoughtful, considerate, creative, thinking, fully-functioning and fulfilled human being. We hope also that our schools have similar aims. The aim of most French child-rearers, on the other hand, is to produce an excellent cog in the great machine that is La France: too much individualism or free thinking will scupper this and so is largely discouraged. The result is a nation whose young people are in the main disciplined, regimented and well-mannered in the public eye but tend towards resentment and excesses behind closed doors, and an adult population apparently terrified of using any initiative or in any way standing out from the crowd.

Which brings me to the title of this post: liberté, égalité, fraternité, that great rallying call of the French Republic. Sounds great, doesn't it? But what if the égalité/equality becomes not a right but an obligation? What if your duty as a Good Citizen is to keep your head down, follow the path of least resistance, carry out your designated role with little concern for self-fulfilment and wherever possible avoid any individual thought/action/responsibility? What if any oddity, quirk or lack of equality is a fault to be rectified? Then, we begin to enter a “Brave New World”-style Utopia, I feel.

My son is eight years old, born and raised in France. He has difficulties of attention deficit, Asperger-ish tendencies and a startling maelstrom of a mind which obsesses over detail, pings in apparently random manner from one topic to another and constantly challenges and questions all he is told. Needless to say, he has not found it easy to squeeze into the rigid behaviour demanded of him by the French schooling system. The fact that he has largely managed it is, to my mind, a testament to his courage and persistence.

Does he behave as impeccably as his French counterparts? No

Is he a fascinating, kind, charming, considerate, funny person to be around? You betcha!

Will he ever allow any body to quell his stubborn self-belief? I pray not.